Old Lady Food Sucks.

Today I took my mother out to lunch. She is fairly new to Huntsville, and combined with her general tendency to not leave her apartment except for work, that means she has not seen what the Rocket City has to offer. Since there was a restaurant within walking distance from her apartment (baby steps, baby steps), I decided to take her there for lunch. Hmm. How best to describe the experience? Perhaps it is best summed up in this transcript of an IM session with Daniel:
[WARNING: NAUGHTY LANGUAGE AHEAD]

[16:27] Daniel: How did you lunch with your Mom go?
[16:28] Me: [groan] I hate that restaurant. it's for little old ladies. was still hungry afterward and got a granola bar, but it still didn't fill me up :(
[16:29] Me: am eating cheezits now
[snip]
[16:30] Me: mom liked it, though. [sigh] guess that means she'll want to go again
[16:31] Daniel: Convince her to go to ******* instead.
[snip]
[16:33] Me: almost everything on the menu was some sort of salad. chicken salad, potato salad, pea salad, pasta salad, chef salad, even the fucking side dish for their somewhat normal entrees was a horrid purple congealed salad. I asked for a side garden salad instead. It comes out with this nasty-ass red dressing that they are trying to pass off as vinagrette. and the salad had PEAS OH MY GOD IT HAD FILTHY NASTY PEAS
[16:34] Daniel: I guess you didn't eat the peas?
[16:34] Me: are you kidding?!?!? IT WAS INFECTED I DIDN"T EAT THE SALAD
[16:35] Daniel: [laughs]
[16:35] Me: and dpm
[16:35] Me: FUCK CAN"T T"YPE THE PEAS THE PEAS


So can you tell I don't care for peas?

Up Close and Personal, and Zucchini Tales

Hmm. There is a definite lack of posting in these parts. It's not that I don't like blogging, it's that I just haven't been enjoying food that much lately. Money is tighter than usual at the homestead, and to make ends meet DEH and I have been cutting corners with regards to food and alcohol. So, no Starbucks, no wine, no fancy-pants ingredients. I wish I could say that the tightening of our financial belts resulted in the tightening of my physical one as well (that is, if I wore belts). We've been eating sandwiches, frozen pizzas, processed foods, etc., and I feel terrible. I'm bloated, fatigued, and my face is resembling the pizzas we've been eating. So you see, there hasn't been much in my kitchen to get excited about besides the various messes the cats make.

I wrote the above paragraph about two weeks ago, saved it as a draft, and promptly forgot all about it. Things are slowly going back to normal back home after getting a paycheck or two, but we still cannot afford to be extravagant with our meals. I've had a bit of a boost in my zest for cooking, though, and it's all thanks to that ubiquitous garden conquer-er, the ZUCCHINI.

Why should this lovely green squash be saddled with the moniker "garden conquer-er" (or something more catchy, help me out here)? Anyone who has ever tried to grow "a tiny bit" of zucchini has quickly learned that there is no such thing. This plant is incredibly prolific, as one of my co-workers found out this summer. He brought in some of the zucchini from his garden to share, and I took a particularly large specimen home with me.
With a couple of items from my pantry, I made not one, but two tomato-based sauces from that zucchini (like I said, it was huge). The first one was served with spaghetti with Parmesan shavings, the second was used in lasagna (damn, that lasagna was good). The sauces were prepared using similar methods: cook the veggies, add tomatoes, add seasoning, simmer, salt and pepper to taste. (By waiting until the last minute to add salt allows you to control the amount of salt added, which comes in handy if you need to watch your salt intake.) Here is the first recipe:

Tomato-Zucchini Sauce #1:

2 c. chopped zucchini (about 1 small or 1/2 large zucchini)
1 (28 oz.) can fire-roasted tomatoes
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 Tbsp. tomato paste
2 tsp. dried oregano
pinch of dried thyme
dash of crushed red pepper flakes
kosher salt and ground black pepper, to taste
1 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil

Warm the oil in a medium sauce pan over low-medium heat. Add the garlic and gently saute for about 1 minute. Add the zucchini and continue to cook, until the garlic is lightly browned (be careful, burnt garlic is very bitter). Add the fire-roasted tomatoes, undrained, and break any large pieces apart with your cooking utensil. Stir in the tomato paste. Once the tomato paste is incorporated, stir in the oregano, thyme and red pepper flakes. Increase heat to medium just until the sauce boils, then reduce heat again to maintain a simmer. Let the sauce simmer for about 10 minutes, then taste. Add salt and pepper, if needed. Serve with a sturdy pasta shape and shaved Parmesan cheese.

...and here is the second one.

Tomato-Zucchini Sauce #2:

2 c. chopped zucchini (about 1 small or 1/2 large zucchini)
1 (28 oz.) can crushed tomatoes
2 Tbsp. tomato paste
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 c. sliced mushrooms
1/2 tsp. dried rosemary
1/2 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
1 tsp. dried basil
2 tsp. dried oregano
2 Tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil
kosher salt and pepper to taste

Sweat the onions and garlic in the oil over low-medium heat in a medium saucepan. When the onions are translucent, add the zucchini and saute for 2 minutes. Stir in the mushrooms and saute for an additional minute. Add the crushed tomatoes and the tomato paste, stir to blend the paste. Add the rosemary, red pepper, basil and oregano, and stir. Bring the sauce to a gentle boil, then reduce to a simmer. Let the sauce simmer for 15 - 20 minutes, or until the zucchini is tender. Taste the sauce, and stir in salt and pepper, if needed.

Makin' 'Mends with Meatloaf

Boy, with headline-writing skills like this, I'll be writing for the AP in no time.

Now, I know I wrote a little post last week about how sorry I was for not posting regularly, and that I would promise to do better in the future. DEH took one look at that post and declared, "You're not sorry in the least, and you know it." Ouch. Well, allow me to heal the pain of my betrayal with a little something to bring back (hopefully) pleasant childhood memories, meatloaf. What's that, you hate meatloaf? Get thee back to the heathen lands from whence thou hast sprung!! It is obvious that you have not yet tried...STEVE'S Meat Loaf! Steve is a coworker of mine, and he often brings in goodies for everyone to eat, or whips up a gut-buster of a meal right in the office kitchen. Thanks, Steve, for keeping the office happy and well-fed! And now for your enjoyment, here is the recipe:

Steve's Meat Loaf

1 1/2 lbs. ground beef
2 c. bread crumbs or 3 slices of white bread
1 egg
1 c. milk
1 Tbsp. Worcestershire sauce
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. pepper
1/8 – 1/4 tsp. garlic powder (to taste)
1/2 ketchup*
1/4 c. onion, chopped finely

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Mix together all ingredients except for the ketchup. Press mixture into a loaf pan and spread ketchup on top. Bake uncovered until done, about 1 hour.

* = may substitute barbeque sauce or chili sauce for some or all of the ketchup

Forgive Me

No, I haven't been sleeping off a major bender. Work has taken over what little brain-space I have, and there hasn't been room in my noggin for bloggin'. So if anyone is out there reading my lil' ol' blog, please forgive my dereliction of posting duties. (Ho-Lee Crap, DEH has updated no fewer than twelve times since my last post, he is totally kicking my ample butt.) I'll have something of substance up soon; this is my way of putting my toe gingerly in the water before doing a big, graceless, slightly spastic cannonball.

Weekend Chop Suey

Every Monday someone at the office asks, "How was your weekend?" My answer never changes: "Too short". I actually had a dinner party planned for Friday night, but had to cancel when my guests had a family emergency. We'll try again this Friday, and see how it goes. Saturday was rather dull, and that is just how I like my Saturdays. Sunday was Mother's Day, and DEH went with me to visit my family, who all live about an hour's drive away. We had lunch at my grandmother's, which was typical Southern fare: chicken and dressing, mashed potatoes, green beans, ham, black-eyed peas, sweet peas, rolls, etc. For dessert, among other wonderful things, were two of my favorite treats that Grandma makes: Caramel Cake and Magic Brownies. I don't have the recipe for the Caramel Cake (yet), but Magic Brownies are an easy dessert that require very little effort. A word to the wise: if you have a mixer on hand, do yourself a favor and use it, as the batter can get very thick.

Magic Brownies

Brownies:
1 box chocolate cake mix
1 stick margarine or butter
2 eggs

Topping:
1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese
2 eggs
1 box (16 oz.) powdered sugar

Mix ingredients for the brownies just until moistened (don't worry about lumps). Spread mixture in the bottom of a lightly greased 9" x 13" baking pan. Mix ingredients for the topping and pour over the top of the brownies. Bake at 350 degrees (F) for 25-30 minutes, or until the topping is lightly browned.

Penne Rigati with Vodka Sauce, or, What to Do When You Screw Up Making Tacos

Right now, I'm not living up to the name "foodie". Last night was supposed to be Taco Night, a night of relaxing in front of the TV with whatever Netflix DVD we had at the moment and stuffing our faces with soft-shell tacos. Tacos are a super-duper easy meal that just requires the use of one measly pan, a cutting board and a knife. (Plates are optional, if you are good at managing drippage. I am not.) I mean, how can you screw up tacos, for crying out loud! Well, folks, it's awfully easy to do so if you let your ground chuck become a training ground for the Army of the Bacteriological Republic. Yep, stinky beef is what I found myself faced with last night. After teaching the cooties on the beef a few four-letter words and playing the "No, you take it to the dumpster" game with Daniel, I had to figure out what to fix for dinner. So what elegant, delightful delicacy did I prepare? Why, jarred spaghetti sauce and pasta, of course. May the kitchen gods forgive me.

To make matters worse, the bargain basement Cotes du Rhone I opened to go with the pasta had cork taint. Maybe it was the kitchen gods way of telling me not to drink cheap, sour French vin de pays. Since I didnt have any wine with dinner, I decided to make myself a cocktail afterward before heading upstairs to bed. Im not sure if this drink has an official name, but I call it a Coconut Cream Pie. This ones sweet enough to have as a dessert; enjoy!

Coconut Cream Pie Cocktail

1 part coconut flavored rum, such as Captain Morgan Parrot Bay or Malibu
2 parts Caramel Temptation Cream Liqueur
Ice

Stir the rum and liqueur together; pour into glass over ice.

Greetings!

...and salutations. Welcome to my kitchen, have a seat right here at the table. Would you care for some tea or coffee? Oh, you'd like a taste of what I have, hmm? Well, there is some left in the bottle, let me get you a glass. Whoops, that one is chipped. Here we go, there's a nice clean one...and there's a healthy pour in it now. May I propose a toast? Here's to the start of my blog about my life in the kitchen. The kitchen is the heart of my home; I spend most of my time puttering about in it. I'd like to share my experiences there with you here on this blog, so join me here for something good to eat (and drink)! Cheers!